My Internal Hunger


In today’s blog I want to uncover some of my compulsive eating roots.  Ever

English: Managing emotions - Identifying feelings

English: Managing emotions – Identifying feelings (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

remember a time when you had a high school class reunion to attend, or a wedding, or how about a family reunion? 

If you’re like me, probably one of the first things you thought to yourself was , “I’ve got to lose some weight.”  If you can relate to this, then today’s blog may not be comfortable for you.

Since I was a young boy, I have always done a lot of eating at night, and especially in front of the television.

When I was younger I got a little exercise but it usually only involved getting up to change the channel on the television.  I’m not sure I have ever really been hungry in my life. I feel I have been empty, lonely, depressed, and too many other things to mention. I have accepted the fact that my compulsive eating has always been about feelings. 

I can’t speak for you; however, if I ever felt what I call a bad emotion, I would put food in my mouth. I did not allow those feelings to linger for long, except for the depression and it always seemed to hang around.

According to certified nutritionist and psychotherapist, Marilyn Migliore, in her book, The Hunger Within,  “children that grow up in negative or emotionally confusing environments, who don’t receive enough intimacy, nurturing, and love in ways that imprint on them, will invariably emerge with a very different sense of themselves.”  Growing up, I felt  sad, angry, isolated, and empty.  The more I ate the more weight I gained, and the more weight I gained, the more I felt the negative emotions.

Food was always my drug of choice.  When I felt as if no one was there for me, then I turned to my food. The food was always there and it never let me down. I always felt comfortable when I could get away by myself with my food.  As a young boy I had no clue what feelings I was sitting on.  Sadly, I learned that it was safer for me to have a relationship with food than it was with people.  I used humor a great deal, and my music skills to handle my relationships.

All of this reminds me of my days as a stockbroker.  Being a stockbroker is just like being in the house I grew up in.  Every day, one can’t predict if the market is going up or down.  And if it went down, there were always plenty of people to blame me. At least when people made money with me, I got paid very well and I got praised.  When I got in the entertainment industry, I got the same praise when I performed. This is something I never got deep inside from my family. Now, I no longer perform musically and I’ve  left the financial industry.

If you have a weight problem as I do, I’m going to leave you with one serious question. What would your life be like if food were not the focus? 

Ponder this question and leave your comments.  I’d like to know your struggles and just know that you stopped by and spent a few moments of your time.  Be blessed!

“There are no conditions to which a man cannot become accustomed, especially if he sees that all those around him live the same way.” – Leo Tolstoy

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